there are many things i could say about the things going through my head and the state that i am in...but i guess they can all be summed up with one statement: what i do not want to do, i do...and what i want to do, i do not do.

"I am in the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." -Jesus // John 14:6

what reassurance and comfort it was on the day that i learned about this. great joy filled me and i knew, for the first time, that He loved us so freakin much to show us the way. i thought it was a simple little thing that you just grow to accept and acknowledge, but man....how wrong i was.

i never really realized the deep truths and the demands that this verse contains until recently. i never really realized how much this simple statement requied me to change, and in accordance with that, act as well. see, what i have come to learn is that the way is narrow, the race is long and the hurdles are high. in order for us to travel through the way which we call Christianity, our whole heart has to be in it...meaning that our whole being MUST be committed to this single cause.

you know, it's so easy to just say things, and sing great worship songs, and pray w/words that we think that will honour God. it's so easy to fall into a trap of routines and habits where we only merely say we acknowledge him b/c we know that it is right. but knowing that it is right is not enough...b/c knowing is not believing. believing, would be acting upon the knowledge and letting wisdom penetrate all of you and change you.

"These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." [isaiah 29:13]
 
this is the deep truth that i have been learning about lately. i know that there are many things i need to change, and many attitudes and preconceived notions must disappear if i am to walk as a Christian. i need to believe with all my heart.

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over and over again
 
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope
 
Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When you feel like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again
 
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
 
I give you my apathy
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
 
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yoursI pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
________
switchfoot::only hope
www.switchfoot.com

as my summer goes on & on & on...it seems like forever since the last day of skool....errrr...well i never went to the last day of skool cuz i wuz working already...but newayz...that's besides the pt...i've spent the majority of my time just doing the same things over and over again....each day is a re-living of the previous one...nothing seems to change & nothing exciting happens... and you know, it makes me wonder & think about why that is and why i am placed in this situation....i could complain about how work sucks & how i'm doing all this crap every day....but when i think about it, i'm actually really really lucky to have a job, there are so many ppl who don't have that privaledge...and i could bicker about how i'm not earning that much money & that i'm not gonna have enough money for uni & that i'm making my parents pay for all of it, but @ least my parents are willing to sacrifice a HUGELY large amt of money just so i can get a decent education...
the other day...my mom wuz telling me about how she was learning that being bored builds character. how it is all built from patience, which leads to perseverance, which leads to character. a character of determination, patience, grace and beauty. yeah.....if u know me well enough, you'd know that i'm really impatient & get frustrated easily. haha...wat irony my situation is. yet the exact need in my life.  
there are many things that need to change...and perhaps this is a new beginning....>>
i AM so incredibly blessed in so many areas...i have been given a chance in life...and i will remember that this chance is a gift.

your mercy found me
upon the broken road
and lifted me beyond my failing
into your glory
my sin and shame dissolved
and now forever yours i'll stand
in love never to end
to call you more than lord
glorious friend //
so i throw my life upon all that you are
'cause i knwo you gave it all for me
and when all else fades
my soul will dance with you
where the love lasts forever
and forever i will sing
lord forever i will sing
of how you gave your life away
just to save me, lord you saved me.
with you, where the love lasts forever...
____________
joel houston::where the love lasts forever
hillsong united

haha...wow...my blog has gotten reallie reallie sappy lately....mostly cuz my life is pretty uneventful & mostly just consists of boredom & work & more boredom....i feel like i'm in the middle of nowhere, in a sense that i just finished high school & i'm going to uni soon, but it seems like for-EVER before the day will come. i'm so dis-movtivated...if that's a word, to hang out w/ppl, to do stuff w/ppl to just yeah....i used to be so eager...but now things have changed, i guess mostly b/c i know we're all going to uni & i know that it's inevitable that we're going to drift & such....so y bother doing all these things & spending so much time if in the end, it's not worth it? y do we have to "be" today, & tmw be so distant as if we never knew each other?....it doesn't make ne sense to me...i know i just have to move on & hanging out w/ppl so much is just gonna make leaving just so much harder...time continues to pass & so must my life. i cannot pause it for anyone and anything. things are going to change & most of it will be inevitable...//
however, THAT does not mean that i was not changed by those around me. in fact, i was so incredibly changed my years in high school & all those who were willing to take that extra step and get to know me...thank YOU. you have no idea how much you mean to me. you left footprints on my heart. and if i left footprints in yours, i AM glad. but one day, we will just look back & it will only merely be a memory - nothing more.
i guess what i'm saying is that i will remember you, but memories that are too good destroy me and pull me apart from the very being i am supposed to be. darn emotions, they get in the way of everything...so i'm saying goodbye, it's time that i learned to be more independent...>>

wOOt!! canada day!!! well....canada's one year older....and we got to celebrate again...teehee...mmmmmm ffffoooooooddddd, haha...i think my rentz are getting better @ cookin cuz each year i wanna eat more & more....or maybe it's just that i'm getting hungrier & hungrier and thus gaining more & more weight...>>

lotsa funny moments & weird things today...me & my sis went to a family friend's house to swim....let's just say that we're random ppl & we do random things...we make ourselves "exercise" by playing baseball in the water....so we swim b/w the bases...lol. then by the time we finished, it was already reallie late & everyone wuz @ my house already....so...hehee....i kinda, quickly & efficiently went back to my house....old ppl were staring @ us funnie cuz i guess i look younger than 17 & i wuz driving a car full of young ppl...haha...twas weird....but yeah...we made it back in time b4 ppl started eating..........then after eating we spent a whole hour trying to figure out this lord of the rings computer game....we were so stressed we were like screaming wat to do & "save! save!!" before the black riders catch u...yeaaa, i'm such a nerd...wat can i say?